On friendships
Or, how a neon ski jacket changed my world for the better...
“Nothing, however, delights the mind as much as loving and loyal friendship.”
— Seneca
I met Dan on the very first day of college.
The class details are fuzzy—probably history or poli sci, since those were our majors—but what I do remember is the jacket. Dan walked into class wearing a bright neon ski coat, lift tickets from the previous season still flapping on the zipper. It was one of those perfect late-summer days in Portland. Eighty degrees. Definitely not ski jacket weather.
That jacket still exists, by the way. Dan pulled it out years later for a video message on my 50th birthday. Maybe it says something about the quality of gear back then—or maybe just something about Dan.
If you’d told me, 33 years ago, that I’d still be friends with the guy in the snow gear on a hot day, I’d have laughed. Loudly. And probably called you crazy.
Back then, I had plans.
Big plans.
I was going places.
Lifelong friendship? That wasn’t on the roadmap. Especially not with someone who, in almost every way, was my opposite.
But life, as it turns out, has a great sense of humor.
From Oregon to California, Texas to Kentucky, Afghanistan and back again—Dan has been a constant. Our friendship now spans more than three decades.
Roughly 2,500 years ago, the Buddha said:
“A friend who is trustworthy, dependable, and understanding is a rare gem. Cherish and cultivate such friendships, for they are a source of true happiness and enlightenment.”
Happiness and enlightenment.
I’ve experienced both through Dan.
He taught me to snowboard.
Pushed me to take chances.
Introduced me to new ideas—and never disrespected my politics.
He’s smiling in almost every photo I have of him, which says a lot. His presence helped shape how I show up in other friendships: more open, more patient, more willing to listen before reacting.
Of course, we’ve had our droughts. I missed his wedding. He never met my sons.
But the connection has endured.
Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development—the longest study on happiness and health ever conducted—once said:
“The clearest message we get from this 80-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”
And isn’t that what we all want?
Happiness. Health.
A sense that someone out there really knows us?
According to a 2023 Pew Research study, nearly 1 in 10 people report having no close friends. Among men, fewer than 15% say they talk about their mental health.
So how do we change that?
We AIM.
• Associate with people who challenge and inspire us.
• Let others Invest in us—and invest back.
• Make time for Meaningful moments: coffee, conversation, and yes, even a few tears.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as asking, “Tell me a story about yourself.”
Stories open doors. They create reflection. Connection. Growth.
As Proverbs 27:17 puts it:
“As iron sharpens iron, so one friend sharpens another.”
Friendship strengthens us.
It builds resilience.
It softens the hard edges and steadies us in the storm.
The Harvard study also found that good relationships don’t just feel good—they protect the brain, boost memory, and help regulate emotions.
So maybe the real measure of success isn’t our title, our bank account, or our follower count.
Maybe it’s the time we spend with people who make us better.
A ski jacket in summer.
A familiar laugh across the years.
A friend who sharpens you—and helps you stay human.
That’s the good stuff.